Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have demons in me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize