so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
