dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
