Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
