so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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