He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
