You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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