You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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