the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
