He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
