...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
