dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
