Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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