You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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