I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
