the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
