I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
