I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Mom said you looked used
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
