I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
