mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
