Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
