I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
