So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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