i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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