Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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