I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
