She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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