Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
