i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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