We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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