oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
