i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In other news, I just burned my penis
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Terrible idea I love it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
