And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
