I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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