Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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