he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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