Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
did you just send me my own nude
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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