Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
