Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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