Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
