I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ketchup is God's man juice
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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