I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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