He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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