I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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