So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
