Dual....:-)
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
