So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she pinky promised me she was 18
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
