Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
