Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
