Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
