idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
