i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
