I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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