I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
