HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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