Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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