We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
