but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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