Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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