one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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