we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
