I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
