I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
