bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
