Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
