when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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