I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
