After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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