I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
